It is 12:45 in the morning and I just have no desire to go to bed

I pulled out my computer and logged onto my blog and decided that I would do exactly what it says--I am going to release my thoughts out into the universe.

Have you ever wondered why life is the way it is? Why things happen the way they happen? What is the reason you meet certain people? How others impact your life: your actions, your thoughts, you as a person? Did you ever once want to just break free from all that you do and are and fly away? For the last month my life has been one crazy rollercoaster twist and dip after another, and as I was driving in my car tonight I just decided that I wanted to breakaway from it all and escape! That would be the irresponsible reaction but it would feel great. I just want to breakaway from all the chaos and go to my happy place--find my own Neverland. The chaos of school, people, living--evolution. It's like I'm sitting in a room and everything is moving so fast around me in all sorts of directions. I'm grappling for some sort of support before the dizziness overwhelms me. I reach out for something but my hand finds nothing--pure air.

It's hard living like that. My rollercoaster of life seems to have gone up the scale of intensity this last month and a week. (There's something crazy in the air here in Provo.) After a twist on my rollercoaster, I hit a little plateau. And I think I've got everything together until all of a sudden the wind is knocked out of me by the sudden drop which takes me to another tight twist on the ride. Not only is everything passing by so fast but the g-forces are making me dizzy and I'm loosing the ability to register that which is around me!

As of late I have found solace in my cello. It's brought me great comfort to passionately pull my bow and deep cello tones come to my ears. The cello is a beautiful instrument, and I love the deep depth of it. My roommate actually came out the other day and asked if I had heard the cello playing somewhere in our complex. Yes, I heard it! - and it filled my soul with peace.

As of late I have also found solace in the exertion of running. When all I have to think about and do is remember to breath. Focus on the exertion, and the effort. And feel the pain and stretch my muscles. I love it.

As of late I have also found solace in the library. Going and finding some well-hidden nook to hole up in for hours as I grapple to wrap my hands around these assignments of mine. Assignments - wow, the term is almost done and I still feel as if I've barely begun. My mind is whirling.

Today, I wanted to throw myself in my car and escape to some paradise. Lay on the beach, soak up a load of uv rays, and just exist. That would have been so nice. But that is not what happened. Instead I found myself at the South Branch Library hidden away from the world trying to grasp my research paper.

I need to go on a spontaneous adventure! Not knowing before hand what is going to happen or where I am going. Just go and do and be. Explode with enthusiasm for life. Reach out into the world somehow. Find my nook (not in some hole in a library) but in Life. Be a solid footing in the grand scheme of things. Understand what it seems others understand with ease. Reach out and mark myself on the world somehow.

Anyways those are my thoughts and I send them out.

Sitting at the Library

So I was minding my own business and sitting at the library trying desperately to come up with an outline for my research paper--and suddenly all progress halted. A boy came up to me and wanted to read my writing but I just wouldn't let him. He stuck around making fun of my music selection on my iPod, and boasting about his superb spelling talent (he got a 100% on all his spelling tests from 1st-5th grade). How amazing!! He also just announced that he is a massive fan of Miley Cyrus. Go him. This boy is now just watching me write this blog post, and now I can't write anymore because he's watching and reading and singing along to Miley. What a blast the library can be sometimes! You just meet the most random, interesting people.

Let me tell you a little more about this boy. He follows me to 2 of my 3 classes this term: New Testament and Guitar. He has a thing for math homework; spending all of his time solving those problems. He practically is dealing with a spicy love triangle with his Math 110 book, and his Calculus book. I don't know if we can be friends because of his relationship issues. They are somewhat not normal. But we all have our own special characteristics that make up the more interesting parts of our personalities. He also loves meat. Despite this love, he loved the vegetarian pizza we had yesterday. He thinks he's a geek because of his obsession with modern history which I found out as he almost wouldn't tell me he was reading "Legacy of Ashes" because he was so embarrassed. Ridiculous. I mean we're talking to the girl who fell in love with James Madison because of his superb writing in the Federalist Papers. Seriously he has nothing to worry about in the geek department. We have also come to find out about this boy that he likes to blame unblameable things on others -- like a sunburn being somehow my problem. I guess I should take it as a compliment that somehow I control the sun. But if I really had control over the sun we wouldn't be suffering from the cloudy weather still. He did just inform me though that it isn't the sun but my radioactivity that made him red - because you know us girls, we are radioactive somehow. I feel like I just stepped out of a Superman episode or something. Moving on...

So that is why I am still sitting at the library completely not progressing on my outline for my research paper.

We thought all had been revealed but alas it goes deeper. He has Jedi mind powers. He just told me that it was him that cut my finger yesterday. But how? I mean I was holding the knife. I hope he doesn't think that his Jedi mind powers will get him reading my research paper. Those Jedi mind powers only work on the weak minded! So now he's just lying about his mind powers. Or I could just be twisting his words.

But I need to get back to work or the boy that stalks around me all day will be solving his problems by himself tonight. Sad day.

The Weekend Full of Adventure

So Friday morning rolled around and I had to get up and go to school for two hours. kaq. Rude. I made it through those two hours and then headed back to the bus awake with nothing to do the rest of the day. So what do I do? I throw myself back on my bed - after I think making some hash and eggs for myself - and I watch the rest of Season 5 of Bones. This was an excellent use of my time. Shelby and I go out and buy food - I buy myself a massive DiGiorno Pizza and some sorbet (which I have yet eaten), and some macaroni and cheese. Melissa comes over to my apartment and we make said pizza and watch Just Like Heaven (which is about the cheesiest of all chick flicks ever). Then we end up talking and thinking back on our missions. Great times.

Then Saturday comes. And I wake up and decide to go running which I realize, I haven't done for awhile so it's going to take some getting used to again. But it awakens my soul. Shelby and I then decide to randomly go off into Provo Canyon to explore. I go home and take a shower because I smell and then we make sandwiches and head out to the unexplored regions of Provo Canyon. (I say unexplored not to say we were in the deep wilderness, hacking our paths - but unexplored in the sense that I have never been in the Canyon and I have no idea what is awaiting me.) We end up eating at this little man-made pond of sorts which has a sign posted where you cannot fish if you're past the age of 12 (let's just say there were definitely either really aged 12 years old individuals or really pathetic old fishermen). But after we ate our sandwiches at the edge of this pond we head up a windy road of sorts that led us absolutely no where but to see a man put his mountain bike into the back seat of his Mustang, and a baby horse drinking milk and a daddy cow get rather protective of its children. So we head out of that road and start making our way out of the canyon but we turn up another direction and head into what is called the "National Forest". We stopped at a camping/picnic ground where there was a clear water creek. We go exploring. As we are walking we pass a post-apocalypse of an area with trunks strewn all over the ground, and then we find a rather well-positioned log across the creek. We decide we must cross said log. Excitement and anxiety filled our souls as we slowly made our way across the creek - having to slide down the last bit because there was no hand holds. We come to the end and see that there is about 4 feet of unlogged creek that we must cross. Shelby's eyes then catch a smaller log that will be able to get us across the creek with no problem. Then after we are safely on the other side we decide to get in the water. Shelby has to take her shoes off which leads her emotions to disgust as she walks across slimy creek rocks. The best part of the water excitement was when I had to piggy-back Shelby across the creek so her shoes wouldn't get wet - the slimy rocks being too gross for her. We almost went down in a heap because she was freaking out so. Needless to say we survived. After the crazy piggy-back ride, we made our way back to the car where our adventures had not ended yet. We start driving back towards Orem and find yet another little road leading us to see Bridal Vail Falls. (Shelby: "Another wedding reference!!") They were pretty extraordinary. Shelby thought our trip had finished and so did I until I saw a sign leading us towards Squaw Peak Road! This road led us straight up Squaw Peak, zigzagging us on a very menacing road with cliffs often along the way. But it was an adventure and I wanted to look out on the valley! Shelby was once again freaking out due to her complete lack of faith in my driving abilities! We finally reached "the Overlook" and it definitely was a sight worth seeing! But after 3 hours of exploring, we left the Canyon and headed back home. It was a pretty awesome day as I completely shut away the preliminary research I needed to do to go play out in the sun. At this moment Shelby and I ditched each other until a few hours later when we got together and watched Deep Impact. The last 30-45 minutes of this movie were watched in total silence minus soft sniffles as our heart strings were pulled in so many directions and the tears came freely. That movie is rough.

Sunday - Melissa and Shelby taught me how to make Twice Baked Potatoes and I drove all the way down University Avenue to find a dead end.

And these were the reasons why this weekend was full of Adventure.

Random

So I don't really have any idea what to write about, but I just want to write - so here goes nothing. It's been a pretty random couple of weeks, today being random pretty much by itself. I've moved down to the happy city of Provo. Started Spring term, dropping a philosophy class to add a guitar class (which was one of the best decisions in my life). I've had to learn to prepare food for myself - not so great. It was beautiful weather, then it snowed. My New Testament religion course has enlightened my soul. I've met some new people. Laughed hysterically in the library with a few as we discussed the uses of commas. I wrote one paper about Major stereotypes and working on a rhetorical analysis of Bush's speech to Congress on the 20th of September 2001. I watched a few clips of the September 11th footage, reliving the memories. I played Rummikub with Daniel Turli at Wendys and it was a blast. Today was full of surprises. The biggest one being Joy Kennedy all the way from England. We ended up going to Acoustic Explosion - an hour and a half of interesting entertainment: starting with an interesting combination of vocals, piano and strings and ending with a very sure of himself piano player. Then the night ended with a long phone call with a friend which consisted of me talking a whole lot (a trait which became more prominent after the mission). But it was fun.