Oh my gosh!

My nose is stuffy. My head is completely congested. My throat hurts. I'm cramping. My eyes are itchy. I can't sleep because of the previous. And it's finals week!

Do you know what I have to get done this week by Friday at 5?

I have to study for my Trig final and my Stats final. 

I have to clean my room impeccably.

I have to wipe down all cupboards and drawers in my kitchen.

I have to go through my clothes one more time to get rid of stuff.

I have to pack the rest of my stuff: including my dishes and food. 

I have to finish my eggs.

I have to sell back my textbooks.

I have to burn my math book if I can't sell it back.

I have to sleep.

I have to stuff my car full of stuff.

I have to spend a fortune and fill my car up with gas.

I have to pay my utilities.

I have to check-out of my apartment.

etc etc etc

I have to do all this and more while on a grand amount of cold medicine!

Yea.

Why?

Why do I sit on my floor exhausted, yet unwilling to go make the effort to go to bed? Why do I just keep looking at my computer get slower and slower, showing its own signs of sleepiness and yet I still am unwilling to get off my butt, clear off my bed, and go to sleep? As I type my eyelids are falling, my brain is stumbling for words.  Why have I been pushing back my bed time for the past couple of days? Nothing is stopping me from getting to bed on time. All I want to do in the morning is stay under my nice soft covers, so why don't I make sure to go to bed on time instead of spending time on facebook "trout slapping" my friends?

Why?

Why am I posting this instead of being deep under my covers asleep? Why am I thinking still? Why do I not turn this time waster off, and do what I should be doing -sleep? 

My little sister is writing the greatest story.  It feels like a romance in the making. Her main character has met a boy; definitely going to be a part of the story. It's so entertaining. It reminds me of my weird past in which I read Star Wars fan fiction online where I had to wait impatiently for the next part of the story.  One, I don't do that anymore. Thank goodness. That was a definite weird phase of my life. And, two, my sister's story is by far better than anything I read back then. It's excellent. I think she should ignore her High school career and just finish that story for me.  But, I guess High school graduation is an important thing to accomplish.  

My other little sister was trying to curl her own hair this afternoon.  You know, putting your hair in sponge curls. She had to do this by herself because no one else would show their love for her and help her out!!  But I hope it turned out okay.  It's a good thing to learn how to do; just like the ability to french braid your own hair.  I miss the days when I had long hair that I could french braid!  

There is part of me that wants to grow my hair out again. I like my short hair, but sometimes it just seems there is little to do with it. Also, it starts to grow out, and looks extremely psychotic. Not at all exciting. And when you are a poor college student, paying to get your haircut by an amazingly talented hair stylist is way out of your price range.  Going to Great Clips always causes anxiety so I am trying to stay away from salons such as that. 

Why am I sitting here rambling aimlessly about my life? I need to go to bed!

Facebook is an interesting thing. So random, and somewhat pointless. I had someone throw a sheep at me on facebook.  How odd!  Why do we find this facebook thing so irresistible? Why? It's probably the same reason my sister is obsessed over World of Warcraft.  We find it so exciting and spend all our time on it, because it is just weird. (This doesn't make since because my brain is slowly closing down for the night.)

I now know why I tend to enjoy going places by myself rather than bringing people along with me.  The chore of merging the two schedules together is tiresome. We each have our own priorities and desires - it's hard to find a middle ground.  

Okay now that it has reached the 11th hour of the night, and my eyes are almost glued shut, I think I am really going to call it a night.

I have noticed that when I say I am going to quit, some other random bit of news or memories pops into my head and I just keep writing. It's the same in my journal, and while I am writing letters.  I think I ended one of the letters I just wrote at least 3 times before I actually said goodbye and then I even added a PS at the end.  It's a crazy phenomenon. 

In my english class our last project is a group project on a medical subject. Whenever I think medical, I think House MD. (The greatest show ever aired... Well airing right now.) Ever since I was told about this project, the sentence that keeps popping up in my head is "It's never lupus." I have decided that lupus is going to the subject of my group project. It's going to be great. Hopefully my group is cool with it as well. I don't really like working in groups. You have to do that merging thing with schedules, ideas and research. There are so many confounding factors.  Grr...  But all will be well.  

Okay now I must bid farewell.  Because I have seriously fallen asleep. 

Amazing

I find it simply amazing, ironic, and odd that I love my English class this semester.  As I registered for the semester, my English class is the class I was least looking forward to.  I hated writing.  I never thought I was good at it.  I know I am not a professional at it.  My sister is by far more amazing (to see check out her blog: freshscribbles). I even voiced my concerns during the first week of class.  Throughout all the assignments we have done though, I have unexpectedly enjoyed myself immensely.

For the class, we have to go visit a Writing "tutor" at least twice during the semester.  Those visits are great.  I had no idea the writing center existed on campus.  As I sit down and do an assignment, it is really exciting.  During the day, I think how to improve the paper, or poem constantly.  It's beyond amazing!  Anyone who knows me knows how odd this truly is.  If I were given the option to write a poem or do a mathematical equation at the beginning of the semester, I would rather be given the algebraic equation and solve for "x".  But now all I want to do is write poetry. It's such a fun avenue of emotional release.  

My personal essay assignment was even thrilling to write.  Trying to find visual ways to write rather than just telling the reader was almost as exciting as trying to find a solution for an inverse sine function!

I will definitely continue writing poetry throughout my life.  It's just fun!  

It really is ironic that the class I am enjoying the most this semester is my English class.  My trigonometry and statistics class are right up at the top as well. My life science class is a totally different story.  But really this semester hasn't been very bad.  In different ways, I have found All my classes enjoyable and interesting.  (even learning about the nature of wheat has been somewhat thrilling...)  

But writing doesn't hold the same dislike as it did in January!! It's been great fun. This blog will most definitely be seeing more of my writing.  

Like An Unreachable Itch

Five minutes ago you 

awoke 

with your face plastered against your textbook
with ten minutes before the Final exam.

Your fingers involuntarily

tap
on the steering wheel as you 

glance
obsessive-compulsively t'wards the clock.

Reminiscent of a recovering addict's ache, you 

crave
taco bell. With the pressure of a dam, the 

tension 

within your bladder rapidly reaches the breaking point.

Your chest aches from your heart's

devil-beating
due to unrelenting 

thoughts 

of the imminent exam.

You have little Time to 

dilly-dally
  hesitate

shilly-shally

  vacillate
whiffle-waffle
  dawdle

BUT

the car
in Front of you
is going
 30
in a
 40
mph Zone!

Poetry Unit

In my English class this semester I have been writing poetry for the past week or so.  It has been an interesting and unexpectedly exciting endeavor.  It was fun to write poetry. I didn't know how to write poetry, and then I realized, through my class, that I can choose how to write it.  It's so cool!!!

So  I decided to post a couple of my poems on my blog.  

----

Weird Phenomenon

I am excited to be writing my paper for english!  How odd is that?!?  I went to the Writing Center today.  It's a requirement for my class to go at least twice this semester.  The writing center is a place where we can take a paper, and have a tutor go over it with us.  It was a really good half hour.  It actually was one of the few moments when my head did not hurt today at school. (My head hurt, because my entire upper body hurts, because I shoveled piles and piles of snow of my parking lot yesterday to get my car out of the parking lot in order for the snow plow to come plow the snow I had already shoveled off. ) Anyways. 

So I was so excited to get back to my apartment and work on making my paper better.  I might have gone a little overkill in parts of it, but it'll smooth out nicely I think.  It's a lot better (at least I feel a lot better about it) then it was yesterday.  Reading it to my classmates wasn't even that bad!  What is going on here.  I am suppose to hate sharing my thoughts with others.  Agh, usually my palms are sweating and my heart beats wildly.  But no, it didn't happen.  Freaky!!  Am I getting more comfortable sharing with others?  NO, what will I do!!!

On a side note, I realized on Sunday that I have got to start looking at people when I'm talking to them.  Well maybe one person in particular.  I don't know what it is about talking to him, but I seriously have issues with looking in his piercing eyes, or even at his calm face when I am talking to him.  Grr...  I need to work on that little weakness.

But enough!  I must now go and graph trigonometric functions!!

It's 3 degrees outside right now!

I am a "Gilmore Girls" addict.  I have done the first step in breaking the addiction: recognition of the problem.  The reality of me ditching three classes though helped me recognize my issue.  Yesterday, I thought that I could write my paper while watching the show.  Not only was that an extremely pathetic idea because I watched it on a 4-inch screen, but low and behold it didn't work.  I was up so late last night doing homework.  I had five days to actually do the assignment, but did I take advantage of that time?  No!  I was up so late last night that when my alarm woke me up at 6:30 a.m. I had just fallen into a deep sleep.  I spent 25 to 30 minutes debating within myself the pros and cons of getting out of bed and going to class.  "My teacher wouldn't be coherent....  Maybe I have a quiz (Well he's dropping out lowest quiz score).... I can learn just as good through the book on my own.... I can sleep for a few more minutes because I don't have to take a shower because my hair is not a complete mess!... etc"  Wow!!  I decided to stay in bed and wake up an hour later for my next class: institute.  When my alarm woke me up at 7:45, I once again began the debate in my head.  "I'll wear my glasses.... I still don't have to shower....  It's institute....  One of my new years resolutions was to go to institute everyday if I'm not dying.... Sleep!!!!"  As you could probably guess, my desire and need for sleep overpowered all other thoughts.

Finally, I had to wake up to turn in my paper for English that I had stayed up late last night writing.  I took a shower.  I even walked up the 150 steps to campus instead of catching the shuttle (a punishment for myself for skipping out on two of my classes this morning).  I realized that I do indeed have a problem that I definitely need to figure out.  What a waste of time!! I am at school to learn not to watch the 7 seasons of the "Gilmore Girls".  Skipping class is not like me, and skipping 3 classes is undoubtedly unlike me.  I don't know what got into me, but I am going to change.

I found out later today that there might have been other forces keeping me in bed this morning.  If I had left my apartment at 7 a.m.  like I should have there might have been a chance that I could be dead; permanently frozen on the sidewalk outside of my apartment.  It was -13 degrees at 7 in the morning today!  No one should be out at that temperature!! It's not normal. The sun is shining but it's not warming up very well.  My cheeks are still frozen.  My headphone cords froze as well and they wouldn't stay in my ears.

I have recognized my addiction and I will no longer be a complete idiot.  I am actually grounding myself:  one of the things that I can't do to pay for my stupidity of the last couple days is go country dancing today!!!  I will do better!!!!

The Beginning

Well I finally did it!  I created my own blog.  This really will be just a random collection of my thoughts, ideas and dreams because there really is no other reason for the blog's existence other than I have always wanted to create one!  Like it says in "About Me," I love the sun!  I miss it terribly right now because it has been overcast for a few days, and dumping snow all over everything.  Winter has got to be the most depressing season of the year.  It's cold, gray, wet, and cold!  Did I say cold twice...  well it is freezing!  The sun is so warm and inviting. When it is sunny, I want to spend as much time outside as I possibly can and absorb as many UV rays as possible.  When it is grey and wet all I ever want to do is stay cuddled in bed with my robe on and my space heater cranked up.  I want to be a hibernating bear when winter rolls its ugly face into existence every year!  It's been snowing ever since I arrived back to school a few days ago, and my car is officially buried.  I just received a phone call telling me my contacts arrived at the eye doctor's office but I have no desire to go pick them up.  The sun is glorious and I wish that it would rush on out, come say hello, and stay out!!  (I'll stay inside until all the snow is melted and evaporated.)  

School is a very interesting use of one's time.  The first day of a new semester is always the worst because your imagination gets the better of you.  Your syllabus is handed out and you start thinking about how you'll never be able to figure it all out, and how you will fail miserably.  Then the next day isn't that bad, because you realize that just like the "little engine that could" you can also reach the top of the hill with just a little bit of faith in yourself.  If I don't believe in myself there really is no hope for myself.  If I don't believe in myself, who will? 

But when you think you have got everything sorted out for the long haul through the semester, your math teacher throws a curve ball at you.  He announces that your math final is at the same exact time as your stats final.  His attractiveness just went down a notch (just a notch of course), because of the bucket load of confusion he just dumped into your almost-put-together-life.  There are sometimes I wished that I could just press a button and speed through school, so that I didn't have to deal with the insanity of it all.  But then I guess I wouldn't be growing from all the interesting lessons life throws at one who is going through a college education.  

I think I will call it quits for now.  The talk of college reminded me that I am indeed at college, and procrastinating homework which is never good to do at the beginning of a semester!  Au revoir until later.